Twilight
It would help me no end in this regard if, like every other person that loved this movie, I found vampires sexy. The pale, almost translucent skin of them, their wispy comings and goings, their frenetic mood swings, the air of superiority that whips about the very breath they take.
I don’t find these things endearing, erotic or the least bit film worthy however, and much like the many vampire films that have gone before it, this was always up against it from minute one as far as I was concerned. If you read many of the reviews of this film, you will hear it mentioned that these days, our leading men tend to be waif-like and pretty and our star here suits that pigeon-hole very nicely, whether you agree with the statement or not of what sells to the movie public. (see “teenage girls”)
Internet hate/love/fanboy/fangirl-mongering aside, I am proud to say that I have never read the book, so was able to watch the film only with my general dislike of the genre to cloud my usually stoic judgement.
When Bella (Stewart) returns back to the coldest, wettest state in the USA to live with her doting father following her Mother's marriage to her next husband, she becomes the newest girl in school, and the subject of considerable interest for some of her fellow students.
As if by magic, the ‘sexiest’ guy in school takes an interest in her almost immediately and this mysteriously previously abstinent boy seems to be hopelessly beguiled by this confused girl who is, we are led to believe, generally out of sorts and struggling to find her feet.
What follows is a half-hearted love story as the new girl and the simmering vampire form an unusual bond. She learns his secret and is, to him at least, strangely unafraid of what he is and what he could be capable of if he were not to keep his uniquely unnatural passions from running amok.
The greatest compliment I could possibly give this film is that it reminded me, sporadically, of The Lost Boys. Granted, Twilight is probably inferior in every department to it, but every so often, you do get the same lost, helpless feeling from the main protagonists as witnessed from Keifer Sutherland et al. The best vampire film made in recent times, Interview With The Vampire, thankfully dispensed with any of this nonsense, surmising, quite rightly, that any vampire that’s been around for one hundred years is not likely to have his head turned by some fleeting fancy for a schoolgirl that cannot act very well.
This pretty much sums the whole thing up. There is no glamour here, no sophistication. You would be likely to expect such a superior race of creatures would be a little more rounded, given their time and experience, but this is apparently not the case. Clearly written for a mass (teenage female) appeal, it clearly meets its required criteria, given that just about every girl has an opinion on it, whether it is positive or negative, informed or otherwise.
The story lacks content and punch in equal measure, only retaining some dignity in its decidedly ropey love story. The acting is roundly awful, and in some places, worth physically cringing over. Not one member of the cast convinces in even the shortest scene and to imply that this has any intrinsic value would be over-estimating it’s worth. To the target demographic, it suggests that this is what passes for entertainment and will only be seen for what it is when the next decent vampire film comes along, assuming there is one, or when they actually grow up and watch a real film instead.
Pitiful fangirl dirge. God help us all, they are making a sequel too.
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